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R E F L E C T I O N So f t h e H e a r t & M i n d |
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October 21 October 08 updateI missed my outlet!! I never realized how much I missed until recently when I had a moment and grabbed a notebook and just wrote. It's been an adjustment taking care of a new baby and having my world turned upside down, bottles, and naps, diaper changes and midnight feedings, but it's also been hearing "mama,' again, hearing my daughter coo and "talk" and watching her face light up whenever i enter the room, it's feeling her small body cuddle against me when she's sleepy or just needs a hug, and I have a little girl again!!! She has made my priorities change and I want to be the best me I can be for her. I want the marriage to work, i want my family intact, and i want to be home at night to be with her. It's funny when I see my middle aged friends going out to bars, and still "searching," I feel bad for them, I feel bad that they are still out here searching for their happiness, for their contentment, for I have finally found mine, and it was here at home all along. It took years and years of prayer to get "A" where he is and he's doing really well, no more drugs, a career in management where he is in charge of 120+ employees and where has has now been for two years is HUGE for him and for us. It has taken alot of compromise on my part as far as what he expects of me but it hasn't been bad compromise, more time with our family, limiting my time with draining, negative, one sided friendships who don't support us as a couple or the family as a whole and just basically growing up and accetping responsibility for the family we created.
I'm not gonna pretend it has been easy, to conform, since he is trying his hardest to serve God, and while I am not opposed to that I also feel I have been there done that, and unless it's serving Him 100% in a Christian church I have been taught that it is better to not be lukewarm. I am either black or white I have a hard time with gray areas. So we are bumping along and working it out as we go, but at least we are growing together and not apart and we are both in it for the long haul. He drives me crazy woth is authoritan attitude but I also Thank God for that attitude beacuse it is what I prayed for. My children have a good father who has never left them and who never would willingly and I know both our boys and our daughter will be better people for having both their parents as constants in their lives.
I am heading back to work in two short weeks after more than a year off and i am finally ready. I will miss my Bella but she will be fine in her papa's care. I miss my friends and my work relationships, also since I just got a promotion right before i left I am looking forward to getting into my job and learning more about criminal history and penal codes. This past weekend we had Isabella's baptism and it was fun getting together with old friends and being an adult and having everyone ooh and aah over my angel. So for now things are good and calm and maybe a little too quiet, but I'll take quiet and peaceful any day over all the past turmoil and drama. May 30 Life with IsabellaI went and broke down and started a myspace since everybody and their mom has one now. But between being home and taking care of a new baby and trying to be supermom to the boys as well man I am BUSSSSY. I have been crafting like crazy I think people just have more events going on in the spring and summer months and the household chores never seem to let up either. I have still have 4 more months of leave and can't imagine being without my bella but I guess it'll be nice to talk to adults again too. I sure do miss my girl time!
Having a little girl again is amazing, and wonderful. Sometimes I just stare at her while she sleeps and end up picking her up just to hug because I know better than to waste one minute of these precious baby moments. Thank you God for my littlest angel! March 18 UpdateI can't believe how long it has been since I've been on here. I guess time just kind of got away from me. Things in my life have been really good and easy lately. Gracias a Dios. A has changed majorly since we found out we were expecting. We went back to church and God has really moved in him, he prays daily for me and our family as a whole, and of course when he learned I was having his first little girl he was overjoyed. He received a pretty big promotion at work and my life these days are spent awaiting the birth of our baby and taking caere of things at home, it feels nice to be off work and be able to concentrate and focus on my family. When I think back to how bad things had gotten between A & i it amazes me that this is the same relationship as back then, we truly have harmony, peace and a genuine love and appreciation for each other now. I don't know if it's the new baby or all the prayer but I am thankful. Life is good. July 27 Got a Surprise...I'm Pregnant!!!!
I'm due in March, I know it's been awhile since I've updated but I've been so busy with training for the new job and getting used to the night shift and now I know why I've been so freakin' tired!!:-)
Things have been going very well between A & I, and I think we're gonna be okay in the long run, he went back to church and has been attending every time there's a service, and evryone we know that's a believer has been praying for our family. I think the loss of his mom has made him realize that we're (the boys and I) all he has left. He has been very considerate, respectful, and thoughtful and it has made all the difference in the world.
Our boys are happy, A is changing, and life is good. I heard somewhere that your loved ones on the other side pick out your children for you. To imagine my Nana and Maria, my MIL picking out my baby, gives me the happiest feeling inside. I have been praying for God to give me a sign that A and I are meant to stay together, and for God to teach me to Love A the way He loves him, and I can say that today my heart is full.
Thank You Jesus for trusting me and Blessing me with another precious child.
July 11 Updates**Updates**Updates**Oh my gosh I am realizing that I'm not updating and it's not 'cause I' not doing anything it's becuase I am doing TOO MUCH!! Everyone in my office including myself is all bummed that tomorrow is my last day, the girl that sits next to me is like it's gonna be like a freakin' tomb in here without you:-) The new guy just brought me a gift, he's hella trippin' because he married some brazilian chick and brought in pictures and why ia this chick that had never seen me in her life tryin' to be me?! OMG! I mean she really looks like me, I guess he passed around pictures of her on Monday when I was off and everyone agreed the pics could have been of me. What a trip!
So on the home front I have been busssy, on the 4th we went to Raging Waters, a local water park in my area, and had soo much fun, I went on every slide they had it was exactly what I needed,oh yeah and the kids had a good time too:-) We have season passes so we'll go back very soon, probably Friday. We did the fireworks with some old friends and had a good time.
Then this past weekend was my MIL's Birthday so we all celebrated by going to spend it in Yosemite which is about 3 hours from here. It was her favorite place and where she said she imagined heaven would look like, we all felt very close to her there. We hiked up a creek to a waterfall and dove off a huge rock into the water, it was exhilirating! I'm attaching pics from all the events of the past couple of weeks. I got home and had messages from all my closest girls, "Girl, where u at?, Wassup?, we need to get together!" That felt good, my comadre came by first and I helped her daughter make a peach cobbler while E and I got caught up, then yesterday I got together with Suzie my other close friend, I got caught up on all the latest with L yesterday at work, and I talked to Alisa via phone off and on for 2 days in a row. Her man's been trippin' and got kicked out.
So yesterday morning I get to work and have a email from J, the ex, WTH?? The one who lives hella close, It was just a what's up email but why now all of a sudden out of nowhere?? We have not stayed in touch and don't email so it was kinda strange it makes me wonder if he's seen me just like I've seen him. I also seen his new girl yesterday, and yes I did check her out if I ever get stuck at a red light In front of their house I'm posting a pic:-)
I had an incident recently at the nail shop that I just have to post since this heifer had me ready to take the earrings off, and I am so not even like that but I've typed enough already so for now I'm out this beyotch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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